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The Companion

There’s a knot of fear in my chest.Its always there.It guides me away from the crowd as I walk the hallways at school.It directs me to seek refuge in empty spots by the shore.It makes me take the longer way home.Its always there inside of me.A constant presence, as natural to me as the beating of my own heart. I’ve never really understood it, but maybe that’s because I’ve never questioned it.Its taken me 21 years to acknowledge the fact, that its existence within me is an anomaly.Not everyone has their own private straitjacket that keeps them from living life.I look at you, and for a split second, I believe.I can feel it fading as you stare back at me fiercely,like you know that your eyes are the only thing keeping me from running.But with every step that I take,away from you and towards the door,it starts rising again,and I can feel the pressure building inside of my chest.By the time I’m outside, that feeling of pure,unadulterated happiness is a thing of the past.Its a competition again.One that I rarely enter into,but one that I feel compelled to win once I’m in.I glance back once, and the pressure lifts as you smile at me, but deep down, I know its never really gone.That agonizing embrace had been a part of me before you,and it will continue to persist long after our frail bond has perished.